My Sins

It's time for confession.

Sometimes, I stereotype Christians. Even the ones I know. Sometimes I think they're intolerant, self-righteous, arrogant, ignorant (intentionally or otherwise), hypocritical, and so on. I usually manage to catch myself, but it's still disconcerting. Not all Christians are like this of course-and it's the rare few that have all of those traits.

The truth is sometimes I think this way about all types of religious people. I only single out Christians above because they're the most familiar to me and the ones I come into contact with the most. If I lived in Israel I might feel the same way about Jews, or Muslims if I lived in Saudi Arabia. (Although I might not express my thoughts, given the blasphemy laws some middle eastern countries have.)

I read a lot of American and global news. I read about the rise of Christian nationalism in the United States, religiously motivated cliterodectomies in Africa, and honour killings in the middle east and even parts of the first world. I also read a few atheist blogs, some of which appear in the sidebar. These blogs occasionally discuss events from around the world that exemplify the horrors of fundamentalist religion. As an atheist, these things scare me.

I don't come from a religious background. I don't have that experience. This makes it difficult for me to understand religious people on a fundamental level. If you have ever given a dog a command and the dog is unsure what to do, it will often cock its head to the side as it looks at you. I feel like that dog sometimes when I talk to religious people.

I hope you can forgive me.

Constant Novelty

xkcd posted a comic last week that I want to write about. Specifically, I want to talk about the first line. "Constant novelty saps my initiative."

You've probably noticed that I don't update as often as I would like or as often as I have promised. When I get home from work, I usually turn the computer on and check my E-mail, several blogs and a fair portion of webcomics. I have tried to blame this on OCD before-after all, it is a routine and has some of the characteristics of a ritual. On the other hand, I have a hard time believing it's abnormal behaviour.

Checking the same websites several times an evening for updates does strike me as a bit odd. Admitted, some websites have fixed update schedules, and who wouldn't want to fall behind in our modern fast-paced world?

I don't think that I have an Internet addiction. I don't spend an excessive amount of time on the Internet, and I have gone long periods without any use of a computer at all. If it is OCD, I don't quite get it. What exactly am I obsessing over? And why exactly do I feel compelled to alleviate this obsession? What even am I compelled to do, exactly? I find it more likely that the Internet just offers too great a potential for distraction.

It's easy to go to a favorite website and a find a link to something new and interesting. Then you find another link, and another, and the cascade begins. It is simply too easy to fall into the trap of constant novelty.

I wonder if without the constant novelty, would I be better off? Would I have written that novel by now? Would I have performed better in school? Would I be blogging more? (On the Internet!) Or would my life be less for the enrichment and new ways of thinking that the Internet has exposed me to?

[I'm going to end this here or I'm going to start rambling. I've already had to police myself.]

Updates:

The Digital Cuttlefish is posting again, so I've returned his link to the sidebar.

I've also added a new poll. Look for the review of Inferno next.

I Get Free Advertising

Thanks to one of Blogger's widgets (or honest charity, I can't be sure)I am hyper linked at the home of that most gracious of cephalopod wordsmiths, The Digital Cuttlefish. Unfortunately, the good poet's blog is dormant. I still highly encourage my readers to pop on over and browse through his (or her?) collection of witty verse. Buy a copy of their book if you feel so inclined, I'm sure he (or she) will appreciate it in these tough times.

I suppose if I'm going to be getting more traffic (unlikely) I should do some more work and post more thoughtful entries more often (even less likely.) So please take the time to move your cursor over to the right and cast a vote. Hopefully, it will give me more focus and a better idea of what my readers like and/or desire.

I'm not going to participate in TMI Tuesday this week, and I haven't participated in it the last two weeks. The questions that were posted were either not applicable to me, or ones that I didn't find particularly interested in answering. Not to mention that most of them weren't very TMI. I wonder if maybe the more TMI questions they had were all used up in the first hundred or so installments. Maybe I'll have to suggest a few to the editors.

On a completely unrelated note, my hair is getting to the length where I would normally get a haircut. I don't want one. I've never had my hair fairly long, and I want to try it. I might get a trim here or there to neaten it up or keep it out of my eyes or ears, but I don't want one of these either. (Sorry, ichthyology joke.)

I also need to start writing some poetry for Storyteller's charity drive. Maybe I'll read some of the works of Sappho first, for some inspiration. (Now isn't that odd!)

Compulsion: Guilt

This is me, nearly everyday.

Why Did I Even Write This?

So here's the answer from last week's TMI Tuesday that I didn't write. I'd like to be a woman. Before you even think it, it's not for some sexual kick. Although there are several sexual perks I can think of. (More nerve endings and more intense orgasms, the capability of having multiple and G-spot orgasms, female ejaculation, etc.)

It's about experiencing existence from the perspective of the opposite sex. I'll never know what the intimate connection between a mother and a child is like. I'll never have the experience of giving birth or menstruating. (From what I've been told they're not at all pleasant, but I'm honestly curious. You have to take the good with the bad.) I'll never know what it's like growing up as a girl or dating a man, or even another woman, from a feminine perspective. I'll never have the innate intuition and empathy that most women seem to have. I'm not really ashamed to say that I'm jealous of women.

There's even more than that. The female body seems to me much more aesthetically pleasing than the male one. Perhaps I have a biased opinion because I was born as a male. I find the male form so rugged and unsophisticated. I think Auguste Rodin's works provide a perfect example of the beauty I'm trying to convey. Works like The Kiss, The Poet and the Muse, Eternal Spring, and so on.


[DOMAI has a nice article on the female form here.]

For a while, when I still clung to the notion of reincarnation I had hoped that my next life would be that of a woman, so I could experience life from a new perspective naturally. Another thought I had was that if I ever had children, I would want a daughter. I didn't really know why at the time, but I think now I do. If I couldn't have the opportunity to be the fairer sex, perhaps my child could. I realize now that I was projecting my thoughts and feelings.

I don't have these feelings strongly enough to justify to myself any type of reassignment surgery. I imagine if there were no side effects and it were reversible, I'd give it a try. I might even stay that way if I liked it. But I was born a male, and I have to play the cards I was dealt in life. I wouldn't call myself trans-gender. I think trans-curious is a better phrase. Like Ron Rifkin's character Saul in Brothers & Sisters, the great irony of my life is that I love women. Perhaps so much that I don't think I'd mind being one.