Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Why Did I Even Write This?

So here's the answer from last week's TMI Tuesday that I didn't write. I'd like to be a woman. Before you even think it, it's not for some sexual kick. Although there are several sexual perks I can think of. (More nerve endings and more intense orgasms, the capability of having multiple and G-spot orgasms, female ejaculation, etc.)

It's about experiencing existence from the perspective of the opposite sex. I'll never know what the intimate connection between a mother and a child is like. I'll never have the experience of giving birth or menstruating. (From what I've been told they're not at all pleasant, but I'm honestly curious. You have to take the good with the bad.) I'll never know what it's like growing up as a girl or dating a man, or even another woman, from a feminine perspective. I'll never have the innate intuition and empathy that most women seem to have. I'm not really ashamed to say that I'm jealous of women.

There's even more than that. The female body seems to me much more aesthetically pleasing than the male one. Perhaps I have a biased opinion because I was born as a male. I find the male form so rugged and unsophisticated. I think Auguste Rodin's works provide a perfect example of the beauty I'm trying to convey. Works like The Kiss, The Poet and the Muse, Eternal Spring, and so on.

[DOMAI has a nice article on the female form here.]

For a while, when I still clung to the notion of reincarnation I had hoped that my next life would be that of a woman, so I could experience life from a new perspective naturally. Another thought I had was that if I ever had children, I would want a daughter. I didn't really know why at the time, but I think now I do. If I couldn't have the opportunity to be the fairer sex, perhaps my child could. I realize now that I was projecting my thoughts and feelings.

I don't have these feelings strongly enough to justify to myself any type of reassignment surgery. I imagine if there were no side effects and it were reversible, I'd give it a try. I might even stay that way if I liked it. But I was born a male, and I have to play the cards I was dealt in life. I wouldn't call myself trans-gender. I think trans-curious is a better phrase. Like Ron Rifkin's character Saul in Brothers & Sisters, the great irony of my life is that I love women. Perhaps so much that I don't think I'd mind being one.


Xethavosh said...

I think the differences you're pointing out are much less than you're making them seem. It's like psychological segregation. You see something that looks different and you think there must be further differences.
For example, you say the female body is more of a work of art (to paraphrase). But look at it from the point of view of Bryi. Que chop chop.
Males can also have multiple orgasms. It's just not a built in function. Also some females have a hard time having just one.

jarjar_head said...

As I stated, it's possible (likely in fact) that I have a biased opinion. But I think you're missing the crux of my argument, my second paragraph.

Consider a person that keeps telling you how fun and exhilarating bungee jumping is, but has never bungee jumped themselves. You would wonder how they can give a qualified opinion without having had personally bungee jumped.

It's not quite exact to say that it's the differences between men and women that 'bother' me. (I use bother for lack of a better word.) It's the difference between experiences that do.

I believe that personal experience is one of the noblest things a person can achieve. As such, it pains me a bit to know I can never have those experiences.

A minor criticism, and probably not a fundamental one, but I think it's nevertheless important.

Xethavosh said...

I understand what you're getting at. But aside form the obvious menstruation and childbirth. You can experience the other side.

jarjar_head said...

Nevertheless, it's not the 'true' experience. It wouldn't be truly natural and it would lack the experience of maturing from that perspective.

~The Muse